The Root Cause

I am tired.

I fight my true self each and every time I swipe my badge and pull on a company issued scrub top and pants; it's wearing me down. I wonder at it, and just as fast, I let those thoughts flitter up, up and away as I wrap up my hair and pull the blue head cover down over my ears. I stomp away doubt as I step into the pale blue, often over-sized, shoe covers and trudge the controlled hallway that reeks of sterility.

Procedure does not mix well with passion and innovation is the root cause of deviation. There is no room for individuality and no tolerance for variation. Conformity is the expectation and mediocrity is promoted – literally. Perception makes it true. But don't take my word for it, because I sure wouldn't.

My broccoli remains green. But I can not say, without a doubt, that my green is the green you see – as if there were a standard green we all know to be true and the same no matter whose eyes are looking at it. And just because it's written and approved per standard operating procedure doesn't make it right or true, either, no matter what color paper you choose. But I think that's a secret only the free thinkers that lurk among the work culture are privy to. Shh…

I tell myself that I was not always like this, that I am not like this, but this…this is what I've become. I am a working stiff – vacant and used up – a shell. Even my personal life has been reduced to mere castings of what I used to be; I am living the American nightmare.

~*~

~mvh