...transcending polarity

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~ words mean nothing (everything) to me ~



well, happy new year!

it doesn't feel any different, in case anybody was wondering.


resolutions? not me. they just end up being broken promises to myself by February and that's depressing.

but...i have to do something. something...different. it's a new year, 2010 sucked overall and i am ready to move on. move on in life, that is. so, how can i do that and not feel like the bottom fell out?

i already feel like i'm on the edge of the abyss. i already feel unstable and unsure. can't get much worse, right? it's not like i have a lot of money to lose. and i don't really have much more time to waste trying to decide if this is more worth waiting for or that is more worth going for right now...

so, to start with - no unrealistic bullshit and no promising myself (or anybody else) anything i don't really want to do. that's my first thing.

1. see above sentence.
2. repeat above sentence.
3. make sleep a priority.

i can do those things. i will find some measure of success, i know, and i will be compelled to keep going.

and then...

i think i need to make myself believe that i am worth it. whatever it is. that will be something i work on every single day this year. and i will write to myself every day, too. not to my journal, but to ME. i will remind myself of my better attributes and i know i might not have a lot to write about at first, but over time i just might dig up some stuff i had forgotten or i didn't realize and that just might make me smile (or laugh hysterically) and then...well...that's all. there is nothing more to this one.

and my bucket list. it's short:

die happy.

so, i need to figure out what i need to do or have done in order for this to happen whenever it might be.

this is easy. and it's impossible.

yay 2011.


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~ in transit ~